


Somebody to Love

by Psychoctopus



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cupcakes and Condoms, Implied Relationships, M/M, Speed Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 09:26:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4700837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychoctopus/pseuds/Psychoctopus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After another half hour of dragging his half-dead body across town, Kariya finally spotted his destination, crossed the street, and entered a relatively fancy restaurant, which had tables set up with number cards on them and a huge timer hanging in the back. He sat down gingerly, as though expecting to be kicked out at any second. He was a few minutes early, and passed the time glancing around the room and twiddling his thumbs awkwardly (keeping his thumbs even relatively coordinated with his broken down body was a serious struggle). At one point, he nervously stole a glance at the poster hanging over his head, which read "Is it fate? The ultimate dating game". Although it was a bit embarrassing to admit, Kariya was determined to try his luck at speed dating. While Kariya's sanity was indeed questionable, his heart was at least headed in the right direction. He was tired of waking up cold and alone in the middle of alleyways (although it's true that that last part had less to do with his love life and more to do with the fact that Berserker's fighting style left him half-dead eleven times out of ten).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody to Love

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place after all the events of the Fourth Holy Grail War, but we have resurrected all the characters for the sake of the story. Not all characters appear, but all master-servant relationships from the end of the war still apply even though no one cares about fighting anymore.

A night without slumber was nothing new to Kariya Matou, but for once it was not the pain which kept him awake, but a growing excitement for the coming day. As soon as dawn broke, he struggled out of bed to choose a fitting outfit; something simple, but classy. Eventually he decided on a basic button down shirt and dress pant combo. Getting dressed was an ordeal in itself, but each button he fastened with trembling fingers reminded him that in just a few hours his anticipation would be over. Before it was even close to time, he began heading out of his house. With his limp, he knew it would take a while, and didn't want to risk being late.

Making his way to downtown Fuyuki, Kariya hesitated every few streets and almost turned around to head back home several times. However, summoning whatever little courage he did have, he kept forcing himself onward, telling himself: "Don't blow this chance. You can do this."

After another half hour of dragging his half-dead body across town, Kariya finally spotted his destination, crossed the street, and entered a relatively fancy restaurant, which had tables set up with number cards on them and a huge timer hanging in the back. He sat down gingerly, as though expecting to be kicked out at any second. He was a few minutes early, and passed the time glancing around the room and twiddling his thumbs awkwardly (keeping his thumbs even relatively coordinated with his broken down body was a serious struggle). At one point, he nervously stole a glance at the poster hanging over his head, which read "Is it fate? The ultimate dating game". Although it was a bit embarrassing to admit, Kariya was determined to try his luck at speed dating. While Kariya's sanity was indeed questionable, his heart was at least headed in the right direction. He was tired of waking up cold and alone in the middle of alleyways (although it's true that that last part had less to do with his love life and more to do with the fact that Berserker's fighting style left him half-dead eleven times out of ten). 

When the buzzer went off, signifying the beginning of the event, he straightened up slightly to see who would walk over to his table first. After a few minutes in which no one seemed to be heading his way, he stood up, as if ready to leave. Suddenly, a man dressed entirely in black appeared, sitting before him in the chair Kariya could have sworn was empty only milliseconds ago. A skull-like mask covered the man's face, making him entirely unrecognizable. He nodded silently in acknowledgement of his partner. 

Kariya awkwardly offered a hand to the man, who gave him a strange sense of déjà vu. "H-hello. My name is Kariya Matou. Have we met before?"

The man shook Kariya's hand with a grip that was somehow firm, yet gentle. "Greetings." His voice had a strange echo, and as he introduced himself it sounded like it wasn't even coming from across the table anymore. "Please call me Hassan."

Half in attempt to break the ice and half in attempt to placate his growling stomach, Kariya buttered them both a slice of bread. "Um . . . Do you happen to know that woman hiding behind the plant?" Kariya questioned as he gestured innocently to a ficus located in one of the corners of the room. "She's looking over here very . . . intently . . ."

The man didn't even bother glancing around before responding. "She . . . is. . . " (once again the voice resonated from somewhere else in the room) ". . . me."

Taken by complete surprise, Kariya began to choke on his bread. Once he successfully cleared his throat by practically coughing up his kidney, Kariya continued on. "So . . . Tell me a bit about yourself."

Kariya was bombarded by simultaneous sentences from all around the room. "I come from anywhere." "I have trained for centuries." "No one finds me until I let them." 

Before Kariya could think of an appropriate response (if there really was one for such a situation), a loud squeak left his lips as a hand reached out from underneath the table to grab a few sugar packets. The person, or persons, seemed oblivious to the theft, only responding to Kariya's noise. "Don't be alarmed, I'm not going to harm you."

Before Kariya could find out whether or not the restaurant had the latest issue of the DSM available for customer use, the timer in the back buzzed loudly. "Well! Looks like that's our time!"

With as formal a tone as always, Hassan rose, "As you say." He then gave a short, shallow bow and disappeared as abruptly as he had shown up.

As Kariya put his head down on the table, he let out a small sigh. Things were not off to a great start. His first "date" had more mental issues then him, which was impressive. However, Kariya refused to let the pessimistic thoughts swirling in his head get to him. "There's no need to get discouraged right off the bat! I'm sure that the next one will be bet-"

His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet clearing of a throat. Kariya raised his head to find Saber, in full armor, with her hand lightly balanced on the hilt of her sword.

"S-saber?! What are you d-doing here?!" Kariya blurted out, instinctively picking up a menu to use as a shield.

Saber reached into her armor and pulled out a small piece of paper that vaguely looked like an invitation. "I . . . uh . . . got this and heard there would be food . . ." She glanced around Kariya nervously. "Is Lancelot anywhere around here?"

"Y-you mean Berserker? I don't think speed dating is really his thing . . . I asked, but all he said was 'groawwww'," Kariya muttered, slowly lowering the menu so he could talk to her face-to-face as opposed to face-to-list of soups and salads.

Hearing this, she relaxed her grip on her sword and sat down. She muttered, half to herself, "Maybe this isn't a trap then."

"So y-you're not here for a date?"

Saber glanced imperceptibly at the bread basket. "That was a . . . secondary objective . . ."

Eyes sparking with hope, Kariya gave one of his best smiles. "You wouldn't happen to be interested, would you?"

Saber thought for a moment, "You know, I know your servant well, but I've never met you really."

"Well, my name is Kariya Matou," Kariya exclaimed, offering Saber a hand.

She took his hand gently in her callused one, "I suppose everyone's heard by now anyway. I'm Arturia Pendragon, rightful King of Britain and leader of the Round Table."

"Yeah, you're a bit of a celebrity amongst the masters . . . Everyone's been talking about you."

Clearly uncomfortable with this, Saber laughed bashfully. "You on the other hand, have remained a complete mystery . . ."

"Well, I usually don't go out much nowadays. Berserker usually keeps me busy enough for ten masters." He blushed a bit, a slight red tinge developing in his pale cheeks. "Yah know, with all the mana stuff, it's kinda hard to get out of bed most days."

Arturia half smiled in sympathy. "I'm sure. I know I use a ton of mana during battles."

By this point, Saber had already eaten seven bowls worth of complimentary bread. "You certainly eat enough to make up for it."

She paused with another slice of bread halfway to her mouth, and said defensively ". . . I have a fast metabolism."

Before Kariya could save himself, the buzzer rang once more. Saber, startled by the noise, reached for her sword.

"Saber, that's just the timer informing you to move on to the next table. No need to panic. Oh, and could you please put down your sword? It's just . . . a little close to my face," Kariya muttered as a tiny piece of his hair gently fell down into his soup.

Saber chuckled at her faux pas. "My apologies. It was a pleasure finally meeting you." 

"Y-yeah! Same to you as well!" Kariya said as he blushed and smiled ever so slightly. Before leaving, Saber grabbed the remaining bread left in their basket, as well as a few butter packets.

Just as Kariya was beginning to worry that he was running out of food on his table, a large jug was slammed down in front of him. Slowly, Kariya moved his gaze upwards so could take in the hulking figure before him. "Rider?! You're here too?!"

The figure roared, "Of course! Where else could I drink with everybody and enjoy being amongst the company of friends?"

"You do realize that you're supposed to be speed dating, right? Not speed drinking . . ." As rider moved to sit down, a pile of cards and napkins, covered in phone numbers fell out of his pocket. Awestruck, Kariya could only manage to stare at the mass of papers. "You got all of these yourself?!" 

Very energetically, Rider flung a fist into the air, "Or course! In a competition of speed, the King of Conquerors will never lose!"

Kariya blinked a few times, a bit overwhelmed by Rider's bravado. "I-I see."

"Come, drink with me!"

"You know, alcohol hasn't set very well with my body as of late . . . Now that I think about it, not much does . . ."

Rider rose abruptly "You are feeling poorly?! Fresh air will do you good!" He picked Kariya up in a wife carry and took him outside.

Kariya, grabbing onto everyone and everything in an attempt to stay within the restaurant, struggled in vain against Rider's strength. As he was thrown onto the chariot, Kariya noticed that Waver was holding onto the side for dear life. "Does he do this every day?!"

Waver nodded vigorously in response, "At least once!"

"How do you deal with this?!"

"He is my king . . . I just have to take it as it is."

"Not that it's really my place to ask, but . . . are you two . . . ?"

Waver blushed slightly and bit his lower lip, "Are we...?"

Both Kariya and Waver turned to look at Rider expectantly, who was abnormally silent thus far.

Rider finally paid heed to their conversation, but remained entirely clueless to their actual meaning. "Are we all companions in bravery? Of course we are!" 

Like reflections of each other, Kariya and Waver facepalmed at the exact same time. Sighing, Kariya gently placed a hand on Waver's shoulder. "I'm sorry." 

Waver sighed and looked down, speaking softly so Rider wouldn't be able to hear. "I hope he'll understand someday. Until then, I will continue to serve him in any way I can."

Before Kariya had the chance to praise Waver's resilience, Rider's Gordius Wheel touched down on the road next to the restaurant, much to the surprise of passersby and cars already on the road. Even from outside the eatery, the buzzer was still quite annoyingly audible. Kariya stumbled out of the chariot and hobbled over to the restaurant, waving to Rider and Waver as he entered.

By the time Kariya made it back to his seat, there was already a thin, somber figure in the chair across from him. Kariya, in one of his more glorious moments of courageousness, attempted to hide underneath a table from the man, whom he was fairly sure was the infamous Kirei Kotomine. Despite not turning at all, Kirei clearly heard the rustle of the table cloth and figured out who it must have been. Without raising his voice, he made himself perfectly clear. "Do you forget that I saved your life?"

Like prey stuck in the jaws of the predator, Kariya crawled out from underneath the table and slowly made his way over to his seat. Avoiding eye contact entirely, Kariya shyly mumbled, "N-no, I haven't . . ."

"So your ideals have not yet completely destroyed your mind . . ."

Kariya coughed loudly and chose to ignore that last bit. "So, w-what are you doing here? You don't really strike me as the mind of man who goes speed dating . . ."

"True, I am not here for the enjoyment of human company."

"Then what are you here for?"

"I am here to investigate certain things which I may have an . . ." At this point, Kirei paused, as though trying to find a word he hadn't yet found a use for, ". . . interest in."

"Well, that's a start. Any idea what it is that you might be interested in?"

"According to my sources . . . you."

At such a notion, Kariya practically spat the gulp of water he had intended on swallowing all over his shirt. In between coughs, Kariya managed to get out a few coherent words. "W-wait! R-really?!"

At this, Kirei uncrossed his arms and reached across the table to take Kariya's face in one of his cold hands. He turned it from side to side as if looking for an answer to the question there. "So I am told. I can't imagine why . . ."

Kariya, completely flustered, couldn't muster up his courage for a response no matter how hard he tried. Kirei smiled his slow grin, "Even now, I must admit something about you draws me."

Kariya blushed madly and squirmed like a bug underneath a microscope in a 9th grade bio class.

"It must be something in your air of tragedy. I have just recently discovered the joy of destruction, and you embody the beauty of devastation." 

Blinking madly, Kariya slowly leaned over the table ever so slightly. "So let me get this straight . . . You're a sadist?"

Kirei sat back, unconcerned, "I've been called worse."

More to himself than Kirei, Kariya mumbled, "You didn't strike me as the S and M type."

"Generally, destruction is only interesting on a large scale . . ." His eyebrow twitched in what might have been amusement, "You've been considering what 'type' I am?"

Kariya attempted to be too interested in his pasta to answer Kirei's question. Kirei leaned slightly forward, "Should I take that as a sign that you might be 'interested' as well?"

"I-I . . . Um . . ." 

When Kariya's shaking hand reached across the table to grab the pepper, Kirei's own hand shot forward like a cobra, keeping Kariya from pulling away. "It's rare that I willingly make contact with anyone I'm not trying to kill at the time." Still with an expressionless face, he brought Kariya's hand to his lips and began kissing each knuckle.

Kariya looked over towards the general direction of the exit and thought about making a run for it if not for the vice-like grip Kirei had on him. Just when Kariya was about ready to panic, a large battle ax surrounded in a black fog fell, seemingly from the ceiling, right into the middle of the table, almost cutting Kirei's hand off. As they both stared at the impressively sharp cleaver, the buzzer rang. "W-well . . ." 

Kirei stood and looked directly into Kariya's eyes, "Hm. I believe that is enough of this exercise." He turned and walked out of the building without another word. 

"Now that's a man I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alleyway . . ."

As Kariya struggled to pull his nerves back together, he suddenly found Tokiomi Tohsaka across the table glaring down at him. Kariya stood up abruptly, causing his dishes and silverware to clatter loudly. "BASTARD!"

Tokiomi looked at him with disdain. "And what exactly are you planning on doing?"

Kariya picked up the nearest sharp object, which just so happened to be a fork (the axe didn't count because he didn't have the strength to pry it out of the table), and waved it about. "You have a wife!"

"That didn't bother you when you were chasing after her like an abandoned puppy." 

Instantly, Kariya became as pale as probably physically possible. Tokiomi smirked at his discomfort, then turned away and went to a table where a pretty blonde was seated, completely ignoring Kariya's glare. Kariya sighed angrily and tried to calm himself by talking deep breaths.

His next few dates did nothing to soothe his irritation, each their own special brand of crazy, which wore on his nerves. Each time the timer went off again, he slouched in relief that they were moving on. Overall, though, it was all he could do to keep his cool. However, a wave of golden glitter wafting around in his face only made matters worse. He tried to swat it away, but it continued to fly around his face. Eventually, a figure in gold armor practically materialized in the seat across from him. "Archer?! You too?!"

Gilgamesh shook out his hair, "The King of Heroes has deigned to grace this pitiful gathering of mongrels with his presence."

"Don't tell me that you're here to partake in speed dating . . ."

"I have no interest in the hearts of these peasants." 

From across the room, Saber turns to glare at Gilgamesh, the intent to murder him on the spot written all over her face. "Then what are you doing here?"

Gilgamesh ignored the glares. "Looking to see if anything around here had even the potential for entertainment."

In a monotonous voice, clearly not interested in the slightest, Kariya asked, "Oh? And have you found anything worthy of your 'adoration'?"

"This world overall is entirely unworthy. Very little in the mass of mongrels rises above to catch my attention."

Yawning loudly, Kariya twirled some pasta on his fork and pointed it in Gilgamesh's general direction. "That so? Do tell me more." 

Gilgamesh just continued sipping his seemingly endless supply of wine. "Don't be so insolent. There's only one reason I'm even wasting time speaking to you."

"And why is that?"

"To see why the one who calls himself my master has such an interest in you."

Instantly, Kariya turned at least thirty shades redder. "You mean Kirei, the priest who gives off creepy rape vibes?"

Gilgamesh chuckled, "He doesn't find you that interesting."

"I'd beg to differ." Kariya must have hit some sort of nerve, for Gilgamesh's eyebrow twitched slightly.

"Presumptuous as well as insolent I see. You're lucky the King of Adventurers is letting you live, mongrel."

"Speaking of mongrels, keep yours on a tight leash, alright? I don't want that man within a one mile radius of me."

"You should be honored that a better man than you is showing any interest at all. Beware before I grow weary of your rudeness."

"Yeah, yeah . . . Whatever you say, O great King of Heroes . . ." As the buzzer rang once more, Kariya yawned lazily. "Now could you move? Your turn is up."

Gilgamesh swished his wine around the glass once more, then disappeared in another cloud sparkles. He appeared briefly right next to Kariya's shoulder and whispered, "Don't miss me." Then vanished for good.

As he swatted some more of that annoying glitter out of his face, Kariya mumbled, "Believe me. I won't." He closed his eyes, put on his best smile, and thought to himself: Let this next one be a good one, for a change . . . "Good-" He opened his eyes warily, "evening . . ."

This time, Kariya was looking at a figure in a black suit with a forest green shirt. "And a very good evening to you as well, sir."

Kariya just stared at the figure, captivated by his handsomeness.

"May I sit?"

Kariya instantly brightened, clearly pleased by the man's wonderful manners. "O-of course! I'd be honored!"

The man sat down fluidly. "Master is very gracious."

His hand shaking tremendously, Kariya failed miserably at buttering the newcomer some bread. "M-master?"

"That is your title, is it not?"

Kariya sighed as his knife slipped out of his weak hands. "I suppose, although I pale in comparison to the others."

The man picked the knife up off the floor and signaled a waiter for a new one. "Whoever would say that of you makes a mockery of the code of honor."

"I really do appreciate your kindness . . . It's rare, especially directed towards a guy like me . . ." Kariya stated as he offered the man a hand. "Kariya Matou."

The man shook it warmly, "Diarmuid Ua Duibhne."

"O-of the love spot? N-no wonder . . ." Kariya muttered, blushing slightly.

"So I am called."

"I don't know how you manage to go out in public without getting mauled to death by hordes of women."

Diarmuid winced, as if blocking out a bad memory, "My . . . master . . . never allowed me out in public much."

"Surely he didn't need you by his side at all times?" 

"He was a . . . restrictive lord."

"You speak in past tense . . . What happened to your master?"

Diarmuid's eyes began to go red and well up with bloody tears. "He lost the right to have any knight fight in his name. He had no honor!"

Kariya passed a clean napkin to Diarmuid, who accepted it graciously. "You wanna talk about it? Believe it or not, I'm pretty good at hearing out other people's problems. Probably because I have so many myself." 

Diarmuid wiped his eyes. "Many thanks, kind master, but I should not burden others with the problems that are mine to bear."

"I would take you on as a master- that is, if you wanted me- but Berserker currently holds my full attention."

"I understand, and appreciate the sentiment. I guess I will just have to keep searching for a free master who I can pledge an oath of honor to."

"Is that why you're here tonight?" By now, a crowd of women have gathered behind Diarmuid to ogle at him.

Diarmuid made a noncommittal gesture. "Mostly, yes."

Kariya raised a slim eyebrow. "Mostly?"

With a devastatingly charming smile, Diarmuid responded, "My love has been lost to the centuries, so there's no harm in looking, right?"

Although it took him a good minute to do so, Kariya managed to regain his composure, "W-well, I imagine that it's not difficult for someone like you."

"Finding a partner with true honor is a trying quest."

"How about Saber? She seems to have lots of that," Kariya stated as he gestured over to Saber, who was stuffing her face with pasta.

"Indeed . . . I have a fight to finish with her. Then . . ." He seemed to get lost in thought.

"And then?" Kariya asked, clearly curious.

"Then . . . maybe I will throw a banquet to honor her courage in not backing down from our fight." 

Suddenly, one of the women from within the horde of fangirls ran up to Diarmuid, touched him, and proceeded to collapse. Kariya, who watched the whole spectacle unfold before him, didn’t even bat an eyelash. "Does that happen often?"

With a confused look, Diarmuid said, "Increasingly . . . today . . ."

"Have you ever . . . tried covering up your lovespot? Perhaps with some glasses or makeup?"

Diarmuid furrowed his brow in concern, "And show shame for the mark I have worn since birth?"

"N-no . . . It's less about shame as it is preventing people from murdering each other over you," Kariya stated simply as he gestured to the group of women, who were in an all-out brawl over who got to keep Diarmuid's used napkin. 

His concern deepened. "Murder is a coward’s way out. To murder in my name brings dishonor to me as a knight."

"Well, you might want to tell them that . . . Oh!" Kariya flinched as one of the women body slammed another women into a table. "That sounded like it hurt!"

Clearly dismayed, Diarmuid surveyed the carnage. He spoke softly, "One would expect women of such caliber to show decorum."

Suddenly, a stray shoe flew across the room and hit Saber's hand, knocking her next bite of steak into Gilgamesh's lap. "It's getting a bit out of hand . . ."

"Which of you lovely ladies would like a lesson in chivalry from me?"

Every single one of them raised a hand, including the woman lying in the remains of the shattered table. Kariya sighed as the buzzer rang, "Good luck."

Diarmuid winked. "I'm going to teach them to train as samurai do: sitting perfectly still and silent." He stood, then kneeled in front of the table. "It was an honor to make your acquaintance, master."

"Y-you too!" Obviously downtrodden by Diarmuid's leave, as well as his failed attempts at romance, Kariya crossed his fingers and wished for someone a bit less coveted. As he was thinking this, a tall shadow fell across the table and he heard a strangely high pitched giggle. Instantly, Kariya recoiled in his chair, "Caster?! What are you doing here?! And if you're here . . ." Kariya's eyes swept the room at a rapid pace, "Then that mass-murdering, child-mutilating psycho must be here too . . ."

"You mean my darling master? Of course!"

Kariya shuddered, and for once it wasn't a result of his poor health. "Why go speed dating when you have your 'darling master'?"

Caster's eyes darted around and he spoke vaguely, "We're just looking around . . . How old are you?"

"Twenty-eight . . . Why do you ask?"

Caster muttered to himself, "Oh no, that will never do. My master specifically requested those in their teenage years."

Kariya quickly pieced together the situation despite the brain damage, "Wait, wait, wait! Are you two out searching for your next victims?!"

Barely acknowledging him, Caster continued, "Yet everyone here is so old! I'm sorry master, I am failing you."

If his body was any frailer, Kariya might have had a heart attack as Ryuunosuke popped out of nowhere and threw his arms around Caster. "There's no such thing as failure when it comes to you, big guy!" 

Caster covered his face shame, "But master, I have not found any!"

Cheerily, Ryuunosuke nuzzled against Caster. "No worries! So what if this place was a waste of time? We have even bigger plans to accomplish!"

Getting caught up in Ryuunosuke's mood, Caster smiled, "Right as always!"

Kariya just stared upon the scene, his face devoid of all emotions and still except for a slight twitch of the eyebrow. "Even these freaks can find romance?"

By this point the pair was utterly oblivious to the man across from them. "Come on Caster!" Ryuunosuke practically leapt up. "Let's go check out that elementary school across town!"

"Brilliant plan as always, master!" Caster shouted gleefully as the two exited the building. Kariya, utterly defeated, stared into his drink dejectedly. The final buzzer rang, causing just about everyone to pack up and leave. By this point, Kariya had slipped back into a depressed state, and he didn’t notice that he was the only one still left in the restaurant.

Right when Kariya was about ready to ignore his health problems and drink himself under the table, a large suit of armor stormed into the restaurant. "B-berserker?! What are you doing here?! I thought I ordered you not to-"

The constant fog around the armor suddenly faded, and Berserker removed his helmet carefully. Kariya could only stare as his servant’s long, luscious locks cascaded down like some sort of hair commercial. Berserker spoke with the husky voice of someone who hasn't spoken in a long time except for yelling. "Good evening, master. Did you find your afternoon pleasant?"

Kariya blinked several times before responding, "You can speak?"

Lancelot nodded somberly, "When the battle lust is not upon me."

"I . . . was not aware . . . A-as for your previous question, not so much . . . Nobody wanted me . . ." Kariya bemoaned, simultaneously reaching for the nearest alcoholic beverage.

Berserker quickly grabbed it and moved it away. "You can blame me for that. I warned them not to make advances."

"W-why on Earth would you do that?!"

Berserker blushed slightly, "Would you believe. . . I get . . . jealous?"

"Over what?"

The longer he spoke, the more his voice softened, becoming more bashful with every word. "Of other people . . . hitting on my . . . master . . . when I could . . . barely speak to him . . ."

Kariya blushed deeply. "Well, since you're here now, would you like to have dinner with me?"

Berserker finally found the courage to look into Kariya's eyes. "That would be more than I could hope for."

Kariya attempted to hide his rosy cheeks by sliding his plate over and handing Berserker an unused fork from one of the other tables. "H-h-here."

Sensing Kariya's own awkwardness in the unfamiliar situation helped relax Berserker, and he chuckled quietly as he accepted the fork. "Thank you, sir."

"T-this is the first time I've ever seen your face . . ." Kariya's eyes darted upwards to glance at Berserker's own. "Why do you hide it so much? You don't need to . . ." Another flush of red spread over his face.

"I hide it for the shame of past mistakes, which have turned me into the monster you see before you."

"You're not a monster . . . At least not in my eyes . . . If you want a real monster, then you needn't look any further than your master." Kariya stated as he laughed bitterly.

Berserker's eyes widened, "You aren't even close to monsterous." He added, almost too low to hear, "More angelic . . ."

"You must be joking. I mean, just look at me . . ." Kariya stared down at the table, head bowed low in shame.

Berserker hesitated, afraid to break propriety, then reached across the table to take his hand. "I never want to stop looking at you." He looked down blushing, astonished he had actually said it. 

Kariya instinctively laced their fingers together. "Y-you really m-mean that?"

Berserker smiled coyly, "I don't eat dinner with just anyone."

Kariya began to stutter nervously, "I-I . . . Uh . . . Um . . ."

"In fact, with most people, I don't even speak intelligibly."

"I-I noticed . . . Well, look on the bright side! You've got beautiful hair!"

By this point, the two were practically trading blushes. "Y-you think so?"

Kariya reached across the table with his free hand to twirl a lock of Berserker's hair around a finger. "Of course!"

Berserker reached up to grab Kariya's hand and hold it. As Kariya leaned forward, he heard a noise from somewhere within the room that sounded suspiciously like popcorn being munched on. When Lancelot turned to glance around the room, however, the sound stopped. Suddenly, a slow dance song is playing from a boom box that Kariya could have sworn was not there seconds ago. "Care to dance?"

Berserker intertwined their fingers. "Gladly."

Kariya slowly rose, a bit shaky and unsteady. "I'm sorry. My body's been a bit . . . uncooperative as of late."

Berserker shifted to support him better. "I will help you through."

"T-thank you . . ." Kariya whispered as he desperately held onto his berserk servant. "It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but I've never really slow danced before."

Lancelot chuckled, "Honestly, neither have I. I'm just guessing . . ."

They only got approximately two dances in before Kariya's frail body decided to give out on him. His legs crumpled underneath him and he only managed to avoid collapsing entirely by holding onto Berserker, who picked him up carefully and carried him back to the table. Flustered and out of breath, Kariya could only manage to get out a few words, "I-I'm sorry . . . I just-"

Berserker put his finger to Kariya's lips to silence him. "Shh, I understand."

Suddenly, the power went out within the restaurant. Luckily for them, the candles placed on the tables provided a decent enough light source. Kariya blinked in confusion. "Were those there a few minutes ago?"

"Not to my memory." Lancelot took a defensive position in front of Kariya to protect him. They waited in silence for what felt like hours, but nothing happened. In an attempt to stand, Kariya grabbed unto Berserker's arm and hoisted himself up. 

Berserker reached out instinctively to support him and called into the darkness, "Who's there?"

As the silence lingered on, Kariya blushed at the sudden realization of what was actually going on: someone was acting as his wingman. Glancing over, Berserker noticed how flushed Kariya was. "Is everything alright?" 

"Y-yeah . . . I'm fine. I think we have nothing to worry about," Kariya exclaimed as he looked up at Berserker with a smile.

Seeing Kariya happy made Berserker blush, "A-as long as you're happy."

Kariya turned to face Berserker and began to lightly trace the patterns on his armor. "I'd like . . . to know your name."

"Uh . . . L-lancelot du Lac."

"W-wow . . . Now how am I supposed to even come close to such an amazing knight?"

Berserker turned so that they were face-to-face and put his arms around Kariya's waist. "Is this close enough?"

Kariya laughed and smirked slightly. "Perhaps if all that armor was out of the way."

Lancelot let go, sheepishly, "There is that, isn't there?"

"B-but if you d-don't want to, that's c-cool too . . ." 

"This is . . . all I have . . ."

Kariya instantly felt the blood rush to his face. "I-I wasn't aware . . . I thought . . ."

"I haven't gotten any of these modern clothes, I have only the thick underclothes for under armor."

"If you want, we could go out and get you some later?" 

"That would be preferable if I am to stay near you."

"Wonderful . . ." Kariya muttered as he got up on his toes to caress Lancelot's face with a shaky hand. Lancelot took said hand and kissed the palm gently. By this point, Kariya appeared to have a permanent blush on his face, but his shyness didn’t stop him from slowly leaning in to Lancelot so that their faces were only centimeters apart. Suddenly, a gasp was heard from somewhere in the room. In an instant, Lancelot was on guard, looking all around the room. 

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't-"

Lancelot paced the room distractedly, "It's not you, it's . . ." He paused as he grabbed a man clad in all black from behind a fake plant. "This guy . . ."

"Assassin? What are you still doing here? I thought everyone already left."

Assassin seemed caught off guard. "I-I apologize for interrupting . . . You see, I'm afraid this is as close as I will ever come to a real romance."

Kariya shuffled over to Assassin and offered him a small piece of paper. "Here. I did get one number earlier, but she wasn't my type . . . Mostly because she has more personalities than I could count."

Assassin tilted his head to the side, "Really?"

"Really!" Kariya exclaimed excitedly as he patted Assassin on the back. "You two- or however many of you all there really are- are perfect for each other!"

Straightening up from his depressed slouch, Assassin eagerly stuffed the scrap of paper into one of his many pockets. "Great! I can't thank you enough!" He then shoved some rose petals into Kariya's hands. "Here, in case you want these for ambience at some point."

Kariya burst out into laughter, his whole body shaking with the effort. "Thank you!"

Assassin grabbed his popcorn tub from behind the fake tree. "I'm sure I also left a bunch of other useful date items around here somewhere: cupcakes, condoms, yah know . . . Feel free to use anything you find!" With that, all incarnations of Assassin disappeared out the nearest window. 

Tears forming at the edge of his eyes, Kariya finally managed to stop laughing. "What a great wingman!"

Berserker nodded, "Truly . . ."

"You're familiar with modern terms?"

Berserker seemed embarrassed, "I watched a lot of T.V. while you were out today and learned many modern "slang", such as "fo shizzle"."

Once more, Kariya burst into laughter, that is, before he began having an intense coughing fit. Lancelot was immediately concerned, "Has this day been too much of a strain for you?"

Kariya shook his head. "It was . . . That is, it was until you showed up. Thank you . . . Lancelot."

"I am glad to be of service to you, master."

"May I try something?"

"Anything."

Kariya breathed in deeply, threw all the petals up into the air, wrapped his arms around Lancelot's neck, and lightly brushed their lips together. Initially, Lancelot froze in shock, then he responded, clinging to Kariya like a drowning man to a large inflatable rubber ducky. Not expecting anything in return, Kariya did his fair share of freezing up. After a good long while, they pulled apart. Lancelot blurted out, "If I don't get some new clothes so that I can hold you closer soon, I may just . . ." He blushed and fell silent.

Kariya chuckled and absentmindedly ran his fingers through Lancelot's hair. "Let's go get you some clothes before you start breaking down walls, my knight in shining armor."

Lancelot smiled, "Should I dematerialize?"

Kariya shook his head side to side. "No. I want you by my side, even if it takes a bit more of my mana."

Lancelot couldn't look any happier. "Then let's go!"

Kariya smiled and slipped their hands together. "You bet!"

They ran out of the restaurant hand-in-hand, as one last assassin crept out from under a table and sighed. "What a happy ending."


End file.
